To Daddy

I wish I knew
how it was back then
so I would understand
why you are the way you are.

I can tell it was hard
in the way your voice
punches through my chest
and pulls out my heart.

I wish I knew
how it was back then
so I could cry
at the stories I hear.

The screams I feel
in the prickle of my skin
when you and mom
fight in the kitchen.

I don’t know
how to feel
when I choose to study
my country of origin

Cause when I look
inside the book
I cannot find
a friend.

I don’t know
who to ask
when I choose to study
and exotic land

because my eyes are blank
when they ask me
if I speak my home
language.

I don’t know
where to go
if I don’t know
where I’m from

It seems that
Looking back
hurts
so much

I seems
to ask a question
is to feel
the eye of rejection.